How a Jesus-Believing Husband Should Love His Wife in God

How should a Jesus-believing husband love his wife? We know that the home life is under attack by the ungodly forces of unbelief. And, it’s evident why these attacks are occurring for nothing on earth is as beautiful as the home where Christ is in control. Such a home is the school of mutual unselfishness and attention to duty, where love is continually learning its true work: seeking the happiness and well-being of another. The Christian husband often seems like a vanishing creature, but as one so honored, you will find the Scriptures speaking to you explicitly, simply, and practically, giving you God’s wisdom. In Ephesians 5:28–33, the husband is directed to specialize at home in one great task: Loving his wife.” Behind the simplicity of this command lies the profound depth of the love of Christ, for in all respects the Lord Jesus Christ is the husband’s example.¹ In today’s Light on Life podcast, our focus is on the husband’s responsibility to his wife. In last week’s episode, we covered the reverse — the wife’s responsibility to her man. The scripture says that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. But, what does that mean, exactly? How a Jesus-Believing Husband Should Love His Wife in God? — that’s what we are talking about in this week’s Light on Life.’

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Each week’s podcast contains a call to action. The Word of God will not produce in your life unless you put it into operation.
This week’s call is:

Come in line with God’s order for the home life – His order for marriage is the same for the relationship between God the Father and God the Son.

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Testimony is vital to a believer’s life. We overcome by it (Rev. 12:11). Each week’s podcast also contains a question designed to encourage testimony.
This week’s question is:

Question: How has your home life changed since you have practiced God’s divine order for the home? Share your story in the comments section below.

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of Ephesians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Emery committed his life to the Lord Jesus Christ over 45 years ago and has served as both a full-time pastor and an itinerant minister. He and his wife Sharon of 40 years emphasize personal growth and development through the Word of God. The ministry of the Holy Spirit is the focus and the hallmark of their mission. Read more about them here.

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Podcast Notes

Husband’s Love for His Wife: The Concept of One Flesh

We are coming to the end of Ephesians chapter five.

Ephesians 5:28–33 (ESV) — 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If you remember the context of this segment of scripture goes back to verse twenty-two.

Ephesians 5:22–24 (ESV): Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Think about the word submission for a moment.
The word is composed of two parts, sub and mission.
Or, we could say sub – mission.
The word sub appears in the word submarine and here it would mean under the water or down under where the marine life is.
Sub – mission then, means to be under the mission of.
So sometimes the problem with submission in the home is that the husband has no mission.
He’s not going anywhere and so there’s nothing to submit to.
Guys, God didn’t put you on planet earth to watch football, eat like a pig, and have sex.
I know that’s a little plain, but sometimes you have to be to get the point over.
What is your mission that you desire your wife to respond to?
Paul now adds a little bit more to this.
To grasp more clearly what Paul is saying starting in verse twenty-eight, we first must understand the ‘one flesh’ verse in the Bible.
Here it is.

Genesis 2:21–23 (KJV 1900) — 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

These verses at the end of chapter five sit in the shadow of ‘one flesh.’
We know that because Paul quotes that part of Genesis that we just read in verse thirty-one.

Husband’s Love for His Wife: What ‘One-Flesh’ Means

In God, a husband and a wife are ‘one flesh.’
The term ‘one-flesh’ means an inseparable union between a man and a woman.
The union is more than physical; it’s more than soulish.
It’s all of that but there’s also the spiritual component.
There is God’s part.

Matthew 19:4–6 (ESV): — 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

There is a joining that happens when the man and woman both say “I do.”
But isn’t this joining just a reflection of Adam’s ‘bone of my bone’ statement?

Genesis 2:21–23 (ESV): — 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

In creation itself, the woman was taken out of the man.
We see her coming out of Adam by God’s creative hand.
She is joined back to the man in the new birth, that is, when a new creation man and a new creation woman get married.
So, why would it be a far-fetched thing to consider man and woman as ‘one-flesh’ when it started out that way from the very beginning?’
Woman came out of the man, that’s a Bible fact.
So, in God, male and female joined by holy matrimony are not two individuals but one.
That’s God’s math — one plus one is one.

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Why Divorce Is Bad

That’s why divorce is such a negative thing — it’s like cutting yourself in half.

1 Corinthians 7:10–14 (ESV): To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Husbands, you are only half a man without your God-given wife.
We can say this another way — if you are divorced from your wife, and you can see it within yourself by the love of God to be restored to your her, — you become twice the man that you were.

The book of Genesis in the Bible records the plan of God for mankind to marry; a man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they will become one flesh. He didn’t say they should be joined to each other until they lost interest in each other. Or until one partner felt trapped by the confines of the relationship and wanted out. Or until a child complicated the scene. He said they should be joined to each other and become one²

I like this quote and the thought – ‘one flesh’ means a single organism.
God’s plan has always been for a husband and wife to be one body — one flesh — and if you would, a single organism.
Again, the woman was taken out of the man in creation and spiritually joined in the new creation in Christ.

Husband’s Love for His Wife: As His Own Body

Ephesians 5:28 (ESV): — In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Many have weighed in on the practical side of how a man should love his wife.
Here’s one such list for example that I came across.

Expose Your Wife to God’s Word.

Begin with her present motivational interests, which you can discern by being aware of her unique needs.
Do not impose upon her what you feel she needs to know.
Cut out spiritual formulas.
Allow her to learn from others, and don’t be threatened by the fact that she will pick up insights you have overlooked.
Do not make her into a hermit, exposed only to you.
You will not be able to teach her all she needs to know
You are not that good.
Relax, and remember that you too are in the growing process.
Rejoice with her as she grows spiritually.

Be Willing to Expose your Total Life.

Reveal especially your feelings—the emotional arena of your life.
In a sensitive and appropriate manner, disclose strengths and weaknesses, struggles and victories, and areas of sin that God is dealing with.
Understand who your wife is.
Discern her motivational drives, her natural abilities, and the ways in which she is most comfortable in dealing with people—one-to-one, in a small familiar group, or before a large gathering.
Pray together regularly. Cultivate this as a daily habit.

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) — 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Cultivate Joint Experiences.

Seek out opportunities in which both of you can be together.
Erase traditional lines of demarcation—many husbands and wives go separate ways, each one locked into his or her own routine.
Break the barriers of isolation regularly enough to know each other’s world.

Concentrate on Developing Your Wife’s Strengths.

Discover, motivate, and encourage.
Help her stretch her areas of natural interest and strength.
Help her compensate in areas of weakness.
Set aside time for her to develop her own personal life. Babysit the kids to give her free time.
Encourage her to grow at her own pace.
Don’t force your mate into your own growth pattern.

Continually Seek to Praise Her.

Do this honestly.
There are areas in her life that deserve to be recognized.
Do you know them?
Do not focus exclusively on what she does, but more on who she is and the woman of God she is becoming.

Proverbs 31:28–29 (ESV) — 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

Understand Her Daily Routine.

Take the time to expose yourself to the life she lives each day.
Try it on for size.
Feel the pressures and demands she faces day in and day out.
Ensure that she gets a regular change of pace.

Let Your Wife Contribute to Your Life.

She has many areas of expertise, familiarity, and insight.
Don’t deny yourself or your children this resource.
Draw out her talents and seek her advice.

Appreciate Your Wife as Your Closest Friend.

Cultivate a marital friendship.
Trust her.
Guard her honor with people.
Defend her interests.
Protect her femininity.
Now – this is a fabulous list – this article was written by James Devine, a teacher at Western Conservative Baptist Seminary³
Now, this is a great list of things that help in this area of a husband loving his wife has his own body.
It’s all very practical things.
Maybe you glean something from this list.
There are things here that I need to come up in.
Let’s go back to the scripture we started with: husbands are to love their wives,—as their own bodies.
What is all this about?
This verse did not say that husbands are to just love their wife as they love themselves — that’s not what this phrase means.
This verse also doesn’t mean that a husband’s love is similar to his love for his own body – that’s not what this phrase means either.
Christ is the head of the body.
The husband is the head of the wife.
So, the relationship is head to the body — it’s totally one unit.
A husband loves his wife as his body because she is his body! — that’s what this verse is saying.
So, the Spirit of God is saying to us in this passage that husbands shouldn’t love their wives like their bodies but that they should love them because they are their body.
‘Like’ and ‘are’ are two totally different things.
Love your wife because she is your body is how husbands should love their wives.

The relation of head and body means that the wife is part of the husband’s self. To love his wife, therefore, in this character as being his body, is to love himself. It is a love consequently, not merely of duty,—but of nature.⁴

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Loving Yourself

So, husbands should love their wives because they are their body.
When a husband does, he is effectively loving himself.
That’s what Proverbs says as well.

Proverbs 11:17 (ESV) — 17 A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.

No One Hates His Own Flesh

Now, let’s go to verse twenty-nine and see what else we can learn.

Ephesians 5:29 (ESV) — 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

No man hates his own flesh – no man hates his own body.
This is contrary to nature.
Hate is a super negative word — the word means to have a strong aversion for, to detest.
You can throw the word ‘hostility’ in here and you wouldn’t do the definition any damage.
So if a man won’t be hostile to his own body, he shouldn’t be hostile to his wife who is his body.
Is Jesus, who is the head of the body, ever hostile to you?
Or is He, by His Spirit, always trying to help you?
Since Jesus is the head of the body of Christ, think of how He treats His body and apply that method or that way to your wife since you are her head.
Can you now see why divorce is so super bad?

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Nourishes It

The Greek word nourishes is one we want to look at, and with that thought, here is the Definition of the Day.
The Word ‘nourishes’ means to sustain.
It means to provide food for.
Feeding yourself is loving yourself spiritually and physically.
He who willingly starves himself to death hates his own body.
So now, apply this practically to home life.
Husbands, are you nourishing your wife or starving your wife?
Is she starving for attention?
Mark this down, if you don’t pay her attention someone else will.
How many marriages have you seen destroyed because the wife was starved for attention?
And, with that thought, here is the Illustration of the Day.

American psychologist Rene Spitz conducted a study at a South American foundling home where 97 babies, ranging in age from three months to three years, lived. They were adequately fed and cared for medically, but a shortage of nurses robbed these children of the loving attention that most babies get. For most of the day, they were left to themselves. Within three months, abnormalities began to show up. There was a loss of appetite, inability to sleep, and general loss of interest in life. By the end of five months, the deterioration of these children had accelerated. Most of them had shrunken bodies. Emotionally starved, they whimpered and trembled. Their faces twisted in grotesque ways. Twenty-seven of the children died in their first year, and seven more before age two. Of those who survived, 21 were so affected that they were hopeless neurotics for the rest of their lives. Everyone needs love, and we Christians are called to give it.⁵

Every wife needs love and husband, you are called to give it.
If you love yourself, you will attend to yourself, you will nourish yourself.
You nourish yourself by nourishing your wife and feeding her what she needs in order to sustain her being — spirit, soul, and body.

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Cherishes It

No man hates his body — every man nourishes his body.
But there is one more word, cherishes.
Every man cherishes his body.
The Greek word ‘cherishes’ means to warm up.
It means to treat with tenderness and affection; conceived of as warming something up.
A man who loves his body will keep his body warm.
We keep our house on the cold side at night while we are sleeping.
We just don’t need to heat the house to a high temperature while we are sleeping with all the covers that we have on our bed.
The problem is I get up early to do ministry work, like 2 AM in the morning and so the my office is cold because we’ve turned the heat down.
I can tell you I love my body — as I’m working on this podcast in the early AM hours, I am wearing multiple layers with a scarf, I’ve got big wool socks on and furry moccasin slippers.
You bet you, I am cherishing my body.
How are warming your wife?
Has she warmed up to your affections?
Are you making appropriate advances toward her heart?
Is her heart on fire for you?
Maybe you need to throw a log or two onto the fire of your marriage.
Husbands, love your wife as your own body because she is your body.
That’s what the scriptures teach.

Now, Father God, in the precious Name of Jesus help us husbands in this area of loving our wives as our own bodies. Help us to not to hate our own flesh. Help us to nourish it and cherish it and while we are doing that help us to walk the bridge over – transpose this to loving our wife because she is our body. Thank you for doing that. Help us by your great power and stretched out arm. Show us where we are missing it in any area that would help us to properly love our wife as we ought.

How a Jesus-Believing Husband Should Love His Wife in God — you guys have a great God-week and we will see you next time for another edition of Light on Life.

Becoming a Powerful Woman of Purpose

___________
References:

Discipleship Journal, Issue 14 (March/April 1983) (NavPress, 1983). ↩
Marilyn McGinnis Galaxie Software, 10,000 Sermon Illustrations (Biblical Studies Press, 2002).
- So, here we have two people getting married.
- They are one — but they haven’t found it out yet.
- Then, they come across the scripture that we’ve already read.
Matthew 19:6 (ESV) — 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
- God joined husband and wife together but, they each have the flesh to deal with along with their unrenewed minds.
- What do they realize? — they understand that two becoming one is tough business.
- In practice, no one comes by this kind of unity easily.
- Unity is a serious affair and it takes a great amount of work.
- Disunity is equally a super serious affair – it’s a deadly serpent waiting to destroy.
Mark 3:25 (ESV) — 25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
- Disunity that leads to divorce is not the casual thing society has made it become.
Husband’s Love for His Wife: A Single Organism
- So, we have two becoming one.
- John R. Stott, the great English Anglican cleric, and commentator said the following, and with that thought, here is the Quote of the Day.
The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ’s words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism—for that is what the words “one flesh” would be in modern English. And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact—just as one is stating a fact when one says that a lock and its key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument. The inventor of the human machine was telling us that its two halves, the male and the female, were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on the sexual level, but totally combined.[3. Robert J. Morgan, Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes, electronic ed. (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000), 530. ↩
Discipleship Journal, Issue 14 (March/April 1983) (NavPress, 1983). ↩
Kenneth S. Wuest, Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament: For the English Reader, vol. 4 (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), 133–134.” ↩
Tony Campolo, Stories That Feed Your Soul (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 2010). ↩

emeryhorvath.com

Equipping people to pursue God's glory

How a Jesus-Believing Husband Should Love His Wife in God

Podcast: Light on Life Season Ten Episode Two

by Emery Horvath

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Read the Notes

Accept the Challenge

Join the Conversation

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of Ephesians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Subscribe to the Podcast

Share the Love

Podcast Notes

Husband’s Love for His Wife: The Concept of One Flesh

Husband’s Love for His Wife: What ‘One-Flesh’ Means

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Why Divorce Is Bad

Husband’s Love for His Wife: As His Own Body

Expose Your Wife to God’s Word.

Be Willing to Expose your Total Life.

Cultivate Joint Experiences.

Concentrate on Developing Your Wife’s Strengths.

Continually Seek to Praise Her.

Understand Her Daily Routine.

Let Your Wife Contribute to Your Life.

Appreciate Your Wife as Your Closest Friend.

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Loving Yourself

No One Hates His Own Flesh

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Nourishes It

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Cherishes It

Husband’s Love for His Wife: A Single Organism

Listen to the Audio

Click to Listen | Right Click to Download | Subscribe in PlayerFM

Read the Notes

Accept the Challenge

Join the Conversation

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of Ephesians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Subscribe to the Podcast

Share the Love

Podcast Notes

Husband’s Love for His Wife: The Concept of One Flesh

Husband’s Love for His Wife: What ‘One-Flesh’ Means

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Why Divorce Is Bad

Husband’s Love for His Wife: As His Own Body

Expose Your Wife to God’s Word.

Be Willing to Expose your Total Life.

Cultivate Joint Experiences.

Concentrate on Developing Your Wife’s Strengths.

Continually Seek to Praise Her.

Understand Her Daily Routine.

Let Your Wife Contribute to Your Life.

Appreciate Your Wife as Your Closest Friend.

Husband’s Love for His Wife: Loving Yourself

No One Hates His Own Flesh

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Nourishes It

Instead of Hating His Own Flesh, He Cherishes It

Husband’s Love for His Wife: A Single Organism

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