Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can Side Step This Deadly Foe

Paul writing to the Thessalonians addresses the subject of believers falling asleep in Jesus and the toxic grief that was occurring because of these deaths. The following illustration speaks to this thought. You know fifty years ago, industrialists thought they could just bury toxic waste and it would go away. We have since learned it doesn’t just go away. Toxic waste leaks into the water table contaminates crops, and kills animals. Buried grief does the same thing. Raw time doesn’t heal a thing. Buried pain leaks into our emotional system and wreaks havoc there. It distorts our perceptions of life, and it taints our relationships. That contamination happens subconsciously.¹ You’ve heard the expression ‘time heals all wounds.’ I’m happy to bust the bubble on that. It’s misinformation — it’s incorrect — don’t believe it. Time is not the healer — Jesus is. Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can Side Step This Deadly Foe. That’s our focus on this week’s Light on Life.

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Each week’s podcast contains a call to action. The Word of God will not produce in your life unless you put it into operation.
This week’s call is:

It’s not okay to be swallowed up in grief or be down in the dumps with depression or be continuously sad. Rise up with the Word of God and cast all you care upon Him.

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Testimony is vital to a believer’s life. We overcome by it (Rev. 12:11). Each week’s podcast also contains a question designed to encourage testimony.
This week’s question is:

Question: What steps have you taken to side-step grief in your everyday life?

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of First Thessalonians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Emery committed his life to the Lord Jesus Christ over 45 years ago and has served as both a full-time pastor and an itinerant minister. He and his wife Sharon of 40 years emphasize personal growth and development through the Word of God. The ministry of the Holy Spirit is the focus and the hallmark of their mission. Read more about them here.

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If you enjoyed the podcast, please rate it on Stitcher Radio and leave a review. If you have a suggestion for a Bible topic, you would like to see taught, or if you have a question, please e-mail me at emery@emeryhorvath.com

Prayer

Father God grant unto us all a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you. We receive that today in Jesus’ mighty Name, Amen.

Podcast Notes

Avoiding Grief: The Problem in Thessalonica

1 Thessalonians 4:13–15 (ESV) — 13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep.

There was a problem in Thessalonica.
The beef stew recipe they were cooking in the church was all messed up.
You know what beef stew is — it’s a whole bunch of ingredients mixed together, that when properly done produces deliciousness.
I’m not talking about a natural recipe here — I’m talking about a spiritual one.
The recipe in Thessalonica was off.
They took a strong belief in Jesus’ eminent return — we call that the Second Coming and they threw that in the pot and mixed it with a naturally occurring phenomenon — people living out their natural lives — take that and mix it with a lack of spiritual information — stir all those ingredients in a pot and when you pour it you have grief and sorrow.
What the recipe was supposed to produce was hope.
Instead, it produced grief and sorrow.
So, let’s go back and redo the recipe and see if we can get it to turn out right.

Avoiding Grief: A Case of New Believers

What was happening here in this young church was that these new believers heard about Jesus coming again.
Why wouldn’t they know about that?
The last word they had from the angel as Jesus ascended up to heaven was this very truth.
The scripture says they are uninformed.
The Greek word ‘uninformed’ is translated elsewhere in scripture to be ignorant — Romans 10:3, to be unaware Romans 11:25, to not understand Mark 9:32, to not recognize Acts 13:27.
The Thessalonians were expecting the Lord to return but they were uninformed, ignorant, unaware, and not understanding how this whole thing was going to play out.
They didn’t understand that this gospel had to be preached everywhere first.
And it could be that because they were a young church and you can’t just learn everything in one day — maybe Paul hadn’t gotten around to telling them about some of this.

Matthew 24:14 (ESV) — 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

They thought He was coming next Tuesday.
You see they did not understand times and seasons.

Acts 1:6–7 (ESV) — 6 So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” 7 He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.

Times and seasons are fixed by the Father’s authority.
That’s all times and seasons.
The Greek word ‘times’ is the word Kronos — it is a period of time marked by specific attributes or activities.
Times is a defined number of days set with borders.
The word seasons is the Greek word kairos — you might have heard of this word.
It means occasion or the time (or a period of time) of a particular event.
The event spoken here by the disciples is the restoration of Israel mentioned in several places in the Old Testament.
If times and seasons are in the Father’s hands, then all date predictors for the Second Coming are wrong — every one of them.
The scripture here says ‘It’s not for you to know.’
The Greek grammar here, per the experts, says that it actually says that concerning times and seasons – that knowledge does not belong to you, is not your business or concern.
The times or seasons surrounding the return of Jesus are under the Father’s authority.
It is for Him alone to determine their course and their length.
And, that means the Father has put these things beyond our reach.².

Avoiding Grief: A Hard Lesson

The main point of focus for today’s podcast is a hard lesson today.
It’s a hard saying.
You understand what a hard saying is, right?

John 6:53–60 (ESV) — 53 So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. 55 For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. 56 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. 57 As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate, and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59 Jesus said these things in the synagogue, as he taught at Capernaum. 60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”

So, this is a hard saying.
I picked this lesson title with great thought.
Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can Side Step This Deadly Foe
The words here are specific — I did not say Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can ‘Overcome’ This Deadly Foe.
I didn’t say anything about overcoming grief.
I said how we can sidestep it — avoid it altogether and not do not allow ourselves to be in a position where we have to overcome.
The word ‘grieve’ is the one we want to look at and with that thought, here is the Definition of the Day.
The Greek word ‘grieve’ used here in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 means to be sad, distressed, or to experience sorrow.
It is a state of continuous sadness.
And here is where knowing what these definitions mean is so vital to us.
We mix words meaning together.
We think we know what these words mean but, we don’t and the enemy takes advantage of us.
Do see grief as continual sadness?
So, a loved one goes home to be with Jesus — that’s what happened here in Thessalonica but, forget about Thessalonica — it happens everywhere to everybody.
Are you going to miss this person?
Of course!
Missing someone is not grief!
Grief is continual sadness.
Stop saying ‘Well, you know what I’m just grieving.’
You are confessing sadness!
If you want to avoid grief, if you want to side-step continual sadness, stop using ‘sad’ words.

Avoiding Grief: Stop Using the ‘Sorry’ Word

A person dies and we try to express sympathies by saying ‘I’m so sorry about your loss.’
We say ‘I’m sorry’ about a great many things.
You would be amazed how much you actually use this word.
The word ‘sorry’ means to be apologetic but, it doesn’t just mean that.
It also means regretful, ashamed, remorseful, contrite, penitent, repentant, rueful, conscience-stricken, guilt-ridden, shamefaced, sad, unhappy, upset, or distressed.
Did you get that? — the word ‘sorry’ means to be sad.
Stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ — if you want to apologize — say that!
Say ‘I apologize.’
Strike the ‘sad’ word sorry out of your vocabulary.
So, missing someone’s presence is part of the human experience because of the Fall of Man.
But, being in a state of continual sadness because you miss someone’s presence is another thing entirely.
Missing someone and grieving are two different – separate them out in your thinking.
Sadness is an emotional indicator and one negative emotion you want to look out for.
“Well, you’re supposed to be sad when a loved one dies.”
Who said so?
The truth is you’re supposed to have the opposite reaction.
You’re supposed to be happy that they got promoted if they’re in Jesus.
Don’t use sad words.
Strike them from your vocabulary and exchange them with happy and glad words.

Avoiding Grief: An Apology

Okay, so let me practice what I preach here and apologize to you.
I owe you one.
If you’ve been listening to me for a while and heard me teach this verse — you’ll know that I taught this verse like this.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

‘You may not grieve as others do who have no hope.’
I taught this verse like this: ‘It’s okay to grieve — just not at the same level as unbelievers because they have no hope.’
That’s not what Paul is saying here.
It sounds like that’s what he is saying but he isn’t.
The Greek grammar connected to the word ‘as’ changes the meaning – ‘grieve not AS others who have no hope.’
The word AS compares two classes of people in the matter of grieving that you will not grieve about the condition of a believer who dies, unlike the outsiders who grieve about those who die. Because Christians have hope, they have no reason to grieve at all. This [the word AS] does not measure degree (‘that you will not grieve as much as the outsiders’).³
The scripture says ‘sorrow not — period.’
Grieve not — period — that means don’t do it.
Don’t engage in this behavior.
This is a hard saying.
I recently had a gentleman in my office who had lost a relative in a horrific manner.
He was an emotional type of fellow anyway.
He was really messed up.
I told him don’t yield to that grief — it will get down in him and totally mess up his life.

Avoiding Grief: Labeling the Spirit of Grief

Grief is a killer.
Overwhelming sadness strikes against every verse in the Bible that speaks of the joy of the Lord.

Nehemiah 8:10 (ESV) — 10 Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

If the joy of the Lord is your strength then personal sadness is weakness and an enemy to strength.
You’re supposed to be strong — that’s what the scripture says.

Ephesians 6:10 (ESV) — 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.

You’re supposed to be happy.

Psalm 144:15 (KJV 1900) — 15 Happy is that people, that is in such a case: Yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord.

That’s the KJV.
The ESV has this as.

Psalm 144:15 (ESV) — 15 Blessed are the people to whom such blessings fall! Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!

The ESV uses the word ‘blessed’ — the KJV uses the word happy.
Same thing.
Blessed is a happy word.
Now that phrase ‘I’m blessed’ has become Christian-ese.
‘How are you doing?’ — ‘I’m blessed.’
What you should be saying and hearing when you have this exchange is this.
‘How are you doing?’ — ‘I’m happy.’
‘I’m ecstatic, I’m full of joy — I’m so happy, I’m beside myself.’
We have to get this — if things are going well, you don’t need encouragement to be happy — you’re already there.
Faith calls things that be not as though they are — that’s Romans 4:17.
Your faith has no need to call for joy if joy is already present.
No, it’s when things are not going well or you don’t possess a ‘feeling of happy’ that we need to get your mouth in motion.
When you don’t have joy is when you call for it.
I did it here just recently.
I was at work and I don’t know how come I was feeling just down.
I began to call for joy.
Did I feel like doing it? \— no!
That’s why I was calling it.
It only took a few minutes and my down feeling stabilized and, I was no longer feeling that down sensation.
You don’t live by your feelings — you live by your faith.
It’s when things are not going well that you call for the answer — that’s faith.
Don’t accept being down.
It’s not okay to be swallowed up with grief or be down in the dumps with depression or be continuously sad.
Stand up and fight for joy!
Call it until it comes barreling down your door.

Psalm 42:5–6 (ESV) — 5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 6 and my God.

The psalmist uses two words here to describe his state.
He uses the words ‘cast down’ and the word ‘turmoil.’
The word ‘cast down’ means to melt away or to complain.
Have you heard the expression ‘I having a down day — I’m having the blues?’
With that question here’s the Illustration of the Day.

Some research has pointed to this phrase ‘having the blues’ being tied to maritime history, perhaps from the 17th or 18th century. During long voyages, ships would sometimes sail off course and lose familiar bearings, typically because the ship’s captain had died. Nearing an unknown or unscheduled port, sailors would raise a Blue Flag or paint a blue band along their vessels hull to signal those onshore that they had lost their captain and their way. They didn’t want to be mistaken as pirates or hostile invaders an fired upon when they were merely off course.⁴

God doesn’t want you to have the blues.
He doesn’t want you to lose your way or be off course.
If you’re sad, your off course.
You have a captain that will never die — the Lord Jesus Christ.
The second word the psalmist uses is ‘turmoil’ which means to make a noise, be turbulent, be tumultuous, roar, or moan.
Putting these words cast down and turmoil together we have a picture of a person who is melting away. His whole insides are in a roar.
What’s the answer to this?
The psalmist starts talking to his soul – ‘What’s the matter with you soul – get your stuff together?’
‘Get in line here’ — hope in God.
Let’s expand on this idea of talking to your soul a little further.

Avoiding Grief: Let Your Meditations Be Acceptable

Psalm 19:14 (ESV) — 14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

So, what is an acceptable or pleasing meditation?
Well, Joshua 1:8 is one of the main verses on the subject of meditation.

Joshua 1:8 (ESV) — 8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

You can read this ‘Book of the Law’ as this ‘Word of God.’
The Book of the Law was the Word of God in the Old Testament.
How do you meditate the Word?
The definition of the Hebrew word meditate gives us a clue.
The word means to coo, growl, mutter, read in an undertone, speak, utter, proclaim, muse, moan, articulate, ponder by talking to oneself, plan.
Ponder by talking to oneself — that’s good.
If you want to avoid overwhelming sadness or grief, watch your self-talk.
Look at this verse in Isaiah 31:4 and get ready to shout.

Isaiah 31:4 (ESV) — 4 For thus the Lord said to me, “As a lion or a young lion growls over his prey, and when a band of shepherds is called out against him he is not terrified by their shouting or daunted at their noise, so the Lord of hosts will come down to fight on Mount Zion and on its hill.

The word ‘growl’ used in Isaiah 31:4 of a lion who growls over his prey, is the same word meditate in Joshua 1:8.
If you meditate on the Word of God, you growl over it.
Picture this lion.
He has taken an animal captive, he kills it, eats it, and then growls while he is chewing on the bones.
Have you seen this?
This growl is the same kind of sound a dog makes when you give it a bone.
It becomes possessive of the bone and it growls as he chews it and if he thinks you are going to take it away.
What’s the point?
Chew on the Word!
Stop growling at the person who went home to be with Jesus!

Isaiah 38:13–14 (ESV) — 14 Like a swallow or a crane I chirp; I moan like a dove.

The word meditate or here ‘moan’ is also used in Isaiah 38:14 for the cooing sound of a dove.
One purpose for a dove’s cooing sound is to defend its territory.
By cooing, the dove is communicating that it is taking possession of ‘this space.’
So, a person who meditates the Word, who growls the Word, who coos the Word, is taking possession of the Word, saying it is mine.
How else do you chew on the Word?
Another definition of the word ‘meditate’ is to read in an undertone.
You are speaking out your thoughts on what you are reading by you are doing it under your breath — that’s meditating the Word.
Working the Word with your thoughts, speaking the Word out in an undertone.
We’re talking about what you say under your breath.
We’re talking about the things your mind churns on and you up muttering.
Check your meditations – check your muttering!

Isaiah 51:11 (ESV) — 11 And the ransomed of the LORD shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Sorrow fleeing is the will of God for your life.
Jesus said it this way to His disciples.

John 16:20 (ESV) — 20 Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.

Joy is the destination — that’s the will of God for your life.
Get out of sorrow — avoid continual sadness – stay out of grief.
Let’s repeat it – Paul told the Thessalonians, ‘I don’t want you to be uninformed.’
If you’re continually grieving, you’re missing a piece of Bible knowledge.
Grieving is not caring.

1 Peter 5:7 (KJV 1900) — 7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Let’s close this out with this thought.
Paul wanted the Thessalonians not to grieve about their loved ones because they have a hope.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.

What is the hope?
You haven’t lost your loved ones.
They are not in your past — they are in your future.
All they did is move on you.
You will see them again — and then you can fuss them out for leaving you.

Now Father God, we thank you because you are so so good. My, my. Heaven is such a great place — our loved ones in Jesus are there. The children that didn’t come to term because of miscarriages and even abortions are there. It’s so wonderful to have all of this family waiting on us to arrive. We all of this to look forward to because of your great goodness and kindness. I love you Father and you Lord Jesus so much. Thank you again in Jesus Name, Amen.

Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can Side Step This Deadly Foe.
You guys have a great God week and we will see you next time for another edition of Light on Life.

Why It’s Vital Not to Grieve the Spirit of God

__________
References:

Bill Hybels, “A Better Kind of Grieving,” Preaching Today Audio, no. 108 — Craig Brian Larson and Phyllis Ten Elshof, 1001 Illustrations That Connect (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 2008), 361. ↩
R. C. H. Lenski, The Interpretation of the Acts of the Apostles (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House, 1961), 30 ↩
Exegetical Summary 1 Thessalonians ↩
Out of the Cave by Chris Hodges ↩

emeryhorvath.com

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Why Grief Is a Killer and How You Can Side Step This Deadly Foe

Podcast: Light on Life Season Ten Episode Thirty-Three

by Emery Horvath

Listen to the Audio

Click to Listen | Right Click to Download |Subscribe in PlayerFM

Read the Notes

Accept the Challenge

Join the Conversation

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of First Thessalonians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Subscribe to the Podcast

Share the Love

Prayer

Podcast Notes

Avoiding Grief: The Problem in Thessalonica

Avoiding Grief: A Case of New Believers

Avoiding Grief: A Hard Lesson

Avoiding Grief: Stop Using the ‘Sorry’ Word

Avoiding Grief: An Apology

Avoiding Grief: Labeling the Spirit of Grief

Avoiding Grief: Let Your Meditations Be Acceptable

Listen to the Audio

Click to Listen | Right Click to Download |Subscribe in PlayerFM

Read the Notes

Accept the Challenge

Join the Conversation

Episode Resources:

We are currently teaching in the book of First Thessalonians. You can click on the links below to listen to some of these podcasts.

About Emery

Subscribe to the Podcast

Share the Love

Prayer

Podcast Notes

Avoiding Grief: The Problem in Thessalonica

Avoiding Grief: A Case of New Believers

Avoiding Grief: A Hard Lesson

Avoiding Grief: Stop Using the ‘Sorry’ Word

Avoiding Grief: An Apology

Avoiding Grief: Labeling the Spirit of Grief

Avoiding Grief: Let Your Meditations Be Acceptable

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