Dr. Tom McGuiness, a counseling psychologist in New Jersey, gives this explanation of why many affairs take place: Married people seek out or succumb to affairs when they feel devalued or less than fully alive. They are bored. Overburdened. People who have affairs have a child’s deep longing to be touched, caressed, held, hugged and kissed, whether they admit it or not. They want happy surprises. That might mean a sentimental unexpected gift every once in a while. More important, it is the dependable gift of time and caring. The present of shared ideas, experiences, stories, nonsense and games, including sexual games. They want the world to butt out. They want a loving friend, a pal who isn’t judgmental. They want someone to convince them they’re still loved, lovable and very special. For a little while, now and then, they want out from under the grown-up responsibilities that have become predictable, dreary and difficult. ¹. These are some of the preventable feelings that couples have. As the old saying goes to be forewarned is to be forearmed. What are some things that married couples can focus to help affair proof their marriage?

I’d trade my fortune for just one happy marriage. – J. Paul Getty (1892–1976)

• One person said. “One of the best things about our marriage is that neither of us has to be always right or always strong or always first or always smart, but between the two of us we find that we can handle almost anything.”
• How can you and your spouse affair proof your marriage?

Keep Your Sex Life Straight and Strong

• Defining terms will help us here.
• What is a straight sex life?
• A straight sex life means understanding what God condones and what God condemns.
• God is against
  1. Sex before marriage
  2. Multiple partners like wife swapping.
  3. Incest
  4. Adultery
  5. Pornography and X-rated movies.
• Here is a straight truth to keep your marriage straight.
• No matter what anyone says, the grass is not greener on the other side.
• Grass is grass on both sides of the fence.

ILLUSTRATION: Myth of The Greener Grass

A man walked into a mental institution one day and was taken on a tour. The tour saw one cell where the man was beating his head against the padded walls. He kept saying, “Linda, how could you do it? Linda, how could you do it?” The guide explained that the man was in love with Linda, and when Linda jilted him, he drifted off into the ozone. He couldn’t handle it. They went to the next cell, and there was a man saying, “Linda, Linda, how could this happen? Linda, Linda.” The visitor said, “Who’s he?” The guide said, “He’s the man who married Linda.” That’s the myth of the greener grass.

• Sexual frustration is a marriage killer.
• Follow the Bible in love and marriage. It is the best guide.

Listen to What the Bible Says about Sex.

1 Cor. 7:1–5 (KJV)
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Prov. 5:18–20 (KJV)
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. 20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Song of Solomon 1:12–13 (ESV)
12 While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance. 13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts.

• As you can see, God has a lot to say about sex.
• Nearly every book in the Bible mentions sex.
• The scriptures teach that it is ungodly for a husband and a wife not to have sexual intercourse (Gen. 1:27–28).
• The scriptures teach you not to use sex as a weapon.
• 1 Cor. 13:4–8 teaches you how love behaves.
• Sex is a way that you show each other complete love and devotion.
• Marriage is not a partnership of two self-willed, independent people. Marriage is a spiritual and physical union whereby husbands and wives share their total lives with each other.
• Sex is an important part of that sharing.
• The scriptures teach that sex is for pleasure not only for conceiving children.
• Read the Song of Solomon and you will see that God meant for sex to feel good.

Guard Your Eyes

• The sex drive must be controlled even after marriage.
• Lust is not a “singles” problem only.
• You must control your flesh – married or not.
• Watch what you watch!

Don’t Permit the Possibility of Divorce to Enter Your Thinking

• Marriage is “Until Death Do You Part”, not “Until We Can’t Make It Anymore And The Lord Will Forgive Us.”
• Your attitude rules all. “We will make this work” is your necessary conviction above all else.
• Do not discuss divorce.
• In the midst of your deepest aggravations, do not confess divorce.
• Do not use the threat of divorce or separation as a tool to brow beat your mate into doing what you want them to do.

ILLUSTRATION: At What Level Can You Love

Perhaps you read the story about a woman and her husband who came to a pastor and said, “We’re going to get a divorce, but we want to come to make sure that you approve of it.” There are people who come to the pastor hoping that when they say there is no feeling left in their marriage, the pastor will say, “Well, if there’s no feeling left, then, the only thing you can do is split.” Instead, the pastor says to the husband, “The Bible says you’re to love your wife as Jesus Christ loved the church.” He says, “Oh, I can’t do that.” The pastor says, “If you can’t begin at that level, then begin on a lower level. You’re supposed to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Can you at least love her as you would love a neighbor?” The husband says, “No. That’s still too high a level.” The pastor says, “The Bible says, Love your enemies. Begin there” ².

You May Have To Repent!

“I have seen resurrection in marriage after marriage when the persons became genuinely convicted by their sin and did not see divorce as an option.” ³.

Don’t Over Commit to the Point of Exhaustion

• Young couples are especially prone to this.
• Do not try to go to college, work full time, have a baby, raise a toddler, fix up a house, and start a business at the same time.
• If you do, the only time you see each other is when you are worn out!
• It is especially dangerous to have a husband vastly over committed and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness can build discontent and depression. Where do you think that road leads?
• You must reserve time for one another

ILLUSTRATION: Busyness is a Fun Killer
It’s vital to balance the competing demands in your life so you can make marriage-building a priority. Do some of the crazy things you did together when you were dating. Remember how good it feels to hold your spouse’s hand on a walk around the block. Go out on picnics in the middle of the woods. Find a secluded beach and do … well, whatever comes naturally. Life is too short to be driven continually by Day-Timers, calendar and watches. Laugh a lot. Enjoy each other. Love must rest on trust, honesty and plain old fun. It is only when those foundations are built and maintained that oneness, the self-giving union of two souls, is possible.

Call to Action:

Try these marriage Beatitudes to strengthen your union.

Blessed are the husband and wife who continue to be affectionate, considerate and loving after the wedding bells have stopped ringing.

Blessed are the husband and wife who are as polite and courteous to one another as they are to their friends.

Blessed are they who have a sense of humor, their marriage shall be much brighter.

Blessed are the parents who abstain from alcohol (I would add “, tobacco, and drugs”), their children will surely follow their example.

Blessed are they who are faithful to each other and mutually helpful. God will surely guide them.

Blessed are the husband and wife who thank God for good things which come to them. They shall receive both good things and thankful children.

Blessed are the parents who recognize their children as gifts from God, their home shall be filled with love.

Blessed are those mates who make their home a place “where seldom is heard a discouraging word”. They shall inspire others to do likewise.

Blessed are the parents who attend and support their church. Their children shall develop a strong faith.

Blessed is the couple who are good stewards of all God’s gifts, their children will bless them and follow their example.

Blessed are all those whose lives are a testimony of faith in God, they shall be the channels through which God’s kingdom will come on earth. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow them all the days of their lives and they shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ⁴.

Question: What have you done to help keep your marriage firm and growing as it should? Please leave your comments in the comments section below.